Unpatterning Rushing: The Journey I Didn’t Expect

About a year ago I began a 28 day practice to unpattern rushing. At the time, I was tired of always feeling (or literally being) late and I suspected the habit of rushing was at the root of it.

I was right. Rushing was keeping me from ever feeling or being on time. The irony.

Once I started to unpattern the habit, which was largely about bringing awareness to it and slowing waaaaaay down, my relationship with time transformed. It went from lack to enough. I stopped overscheduling myself and started giving myself more time to complete everyday tasks. I also stopped being late to appointments and events. A huge win.

Needless to say, I was feeling pretty good about kicking the pattern of rushing to the curb.

But when the 28 day practice concluded, I realized I was at the very beginning of a much deeper transformation. Rushing wasn’t just about my relationship with time. It was about my relationship with love, safety, worthiness, money, boundaries, belonging, health, relationships, creativity, the list goes on.

Rushing was a mask for scarcity. For never feeling enough. And unpatterning that wasn’t going to fit into a month long practice.

Like tugging a loose thread of a sweater until the whole thing comes undone, I’ve been on an inward journey to the different parts of me who haven’t felt worthy – unraveling the beliefs that convinced her she wasn’t enough.

It’s been a lot. It’s still a lot. And I’ve been doing most of the work in private. Because I needed to.

But now I feel it’s time to share some of my journey here. So I’ll be doing that more often. I think you’ll find pieces of my story relatable. And I hope that, together, we can engage in an honest conversation about the less talked about side of healing and reclaiming our worth.

With love,

jessica